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In Mary-sue Land, Logic is so overrated.
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[29 Jun 2006|09:49am] |
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Avenged Sevenfold |
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Is it that difficult to think of a title for your story? A crappy title is better than no title. Take the song "Papercut" by Linkin Park for example, in my opinion, paper cuts have nothing to do with paranoia and the feeling of creepy crawlies under your skin.
Maybe I've been reading too many Yu-gi-oh songfics feature "Papercut".
Anyway, this is possibly the last Sue for two months. Where I'm going, there's no internet.
TITLE: Untitled (Subject to change?)
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Ranma009
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE: 
FULL NAME(with titles): Allie Turner, AKA "Clover the Earth Alchemist"
SPECIES: Human/Alchemist
AGE: 13
ATTIRE: "She was not wearing a state alchemist uniform like everyone else at HQ, she wore a baggy pair of black jeans and a tight red shirt that rose up when she lifted her arms up. She also wore a denim jacket which was blue."
HAIR (with adjectives): strawberry blonde that comes down to her chin
EYES (with adjectives): not mentioned
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: a transmutation circle tattooed on her stomach
POSSESSIONS: none. Or none I bothered to notice.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: She started learning alchemy when she was three, and now, ten years later, she wants to become a State Alchemist.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She does become a state alchemist (within the passing of a paragraph) and then gets sent on a mission with Ed to investigate the Youswell mines.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: None, really. Unless you count how she "electrified" her body.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: She thinks she's speshul.
NOTES:
99% of the events that take place in this story is told in summarized narrative. And any dialogue has no point, only to be interrupted by a line going "this happened".
Although, plus points (or minus sporks) for not giving her the ability to do alchemy without a circle without seeing the gate.
Then again, minus points for using the "insert Sue into random canon mission" plot device. It almost makes me miss the "random Sue falls from sky" plot line.
Almost.
The half-a-paragraph dedicated to the State Alchemy Exam fails. Immensely. Having the character claim she doesn't remember what happened is not an excuse for not describing it, especially when writing in third person omnipotent.
I think the Suethor failed to post the second chapter and only got the first and third, because there are events referred to in the "second" chapter that never happened. Plus, the first chapter ends with her sitting on the steps waiting for Hughes to refer her to Mustang, and then the "second" starts with her studying like a madman. Hmm. Intelligence.
SAMPLE:
( And what happened to details? )
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[25 Jun 2006|04:45pm] |
Today's Sue, donated by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) satsu_the_clown makes you want to overdose on brain bleach, but then you realize it isn’t worth the effort.
TITLE: Flaming Rose (The title of this story a) Gives me mental images of a really bad paint job or b) strikes me as REALLY really ironic.)
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Black Spell
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles): Lieutenant Iia Hawthorn, the Rose Alchemist. (Okay, let's just totally ignore the fact that State Alchemists start out as a Major....)
SPECIES: She doesn't know either, so she classifies herself as human.
AGE: Not mentioned
ATTIRE: A military uniform, but with a miniskirt. *facepalm* That attempt to seduce Roy is not obvious at all. And she has white gloves.
HAIR (with adjectives): short and red
EYES (with adjectives): not mentioned
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: A tattoo of vines framing her face, a tail, and ears.
POSSESSIONS: A bonus Sue named Kristaku. And nothing is described about her, except she seems like your average I’m-so-cool-and-the-world-bores-me Sue.
SPESHUL POWERS: None mentioned.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: No idea. Except she used to be one of "the best".
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Roy sees her walking down the street randomly one day but decides to ignore her on the excuse he never saw her tail and ears (How do you miss something like that?? And he even saw her weird tattoo, and doesn't even bother to give her a "kids these days.." look.). When he gets to Headquarters, Hughes gives him the message that "Bradly" wants him to find the Rose Alchemist, and guess who she turns out to be?!?!? The mysterious girl on the street!
So, he doesn't actually find her, but somehow she and her Bonus!Sue know the Elric brothers, and so they go visit them and Roy was there. At first Iia glomps him and he, seeing her miniskirt, gets all suave (-__-), but then Hughes barges in randomly and goes "OMG. THAT'S THE ROSE ALCHEMIST!!!
. Roy only now tries to drag her to Central and grabs her arm, even though she announces the fact that she's the Rose Alchemist five seconds earlier (but then he was too distracted by her miniskirt -__-), but she screams "it buuuuuuuuuuuuuuurns!!!" (or something to that nature) and falls asleep.
I think it took more words to summarize it than there are in the story itself.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: She *glomps* Roy.
NOTES:
This story, undoubtedly, sucks. One thing that bothers me is the dialogue, really hard to follow since the Suethor adds random line breaks between the speaker and the words spoken. Through the whole first chapter, I had no idea who the main Sue was.
What is with all these Rose Alchemists? I don't see the value of mutating Roses to the military. Oh sure, sure, you can shoot thorns or spikes or totally rip off Kurama from Yuyu Hakusho and make a whip out of it, and to that I'd just like to say one thing:
Metals > plant organs.
I detest exaggerated personalities.
SAMPLE:
( let ussss go! It burns usss! It burnsss ussss! )
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| One! One! Can you believe it???? |
[24 Jun 2006|02:36pm] |
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M.I.A. - Avenged Sevenfold |
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I finally found a Sue-fic that's tame enough to deserve a ONE!
I credit that to the fact that this FF.net account belongs to two people (which is a concept I REALLY don't understand. I mean... unless you have stories that are co-written, is it really THAT difficult to make a new account?), of which one can write a passable story.
TITLE: This is How it Goes
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Happy Emo
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE: One!
FULL NAME(with titles): Kelly David
SPECIES: Human/Alchemist
AGE: 15
ATTIRE: A sweater
HAIR (with adjectives): not mentioned
EYES (with adjectives): not mentioned
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSSESSIONS: A book titled "All you need to know about Alchemy", bad capitalization and all.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: All it says is that she currently has no parents and lives with her aunt.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She's "wanted" by the military because of her "abnormal alchemic abilities" (try saying that three times fast. __), but Roy and Hughes are just playing a) a giant joke on Ed or b) matchmaker. Roy gives Ed and Kelly a mission to investigate... something that's happening in Xenotime, but books them the honeymoon suite as their room. And where is Al, you say? Stuck in Central after Ed was so easily persuaded to leave him behind.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can perform alchemy without the use of a transmutation circle (which therefore means she has seen the Gate. Which also means she must be a pretty skilled alchemist to summon the Gate. So why does she need a book called "All you need to know about Alchemy"?), and she can shapeshift into animals.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: She's painfully awkward and fake.
NOTES:
Aww.. the Suethor thinks she can make Ed forget about his brother AND the philosopher's stone with her wittle awkward (yet charming) Sue!!!
*snore*
SAMPLE:
( Why does Xenotime need gold mines if they have such a nice tourist industry? )
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[10 Jun 2006|11:01pm] |
I challenge someone to find me a Sue-fic worthy of a ONE rating.
And, to kyatto, I'm still trying to finish it, don't worry, I haven't forgotten.
TITLE: The Rising Dawn
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Failure007
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles): Chanticleer Ranora, the Dawn Alchemist.
SPECIES: Chimera/Alchemist
AGE: 18
ATTIRE: "A gray T-shirt lay half hidden beneath a black leather jacket, both had the sleeves cut off and both shared the same worn out look. He wore a pair of heavy gloves that were black with a gray streak along the side. "
HAIR (with adjectives): a "deep mahagony colored forelock" that he'd "obviously stolen from a wild stallion".
EYES (with adjectives): "Ocean blue"
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: Feathers, and uber sharp claws.
POSSESSIONS: a brother. and a few friends that remind me of English Chimney Sweeps from the 1800's.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: He and his brother used to live with their parents in an unknown town. His parents loved them and they had a happy life until one day, when he was playing the woods, an unknown alchemist kidnapped him and transmuted him together with, not one, but two roosters. But the unknown alchemist deemed the experiment "succeeded and failed" and let him go. Then his parents died randomly of stupid reasons. (One "worked to death" and the other "died of grief". ) To add to the spontaneous drama, gangs "came out of nowhere" and started causing havoc around the town. They realized they couldn't live there anymore and decided for him to be a State Alchemist so he could support then.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ed and Al were specifically invited to the Alchemy Exams that year (which were held for some reason at 5 in the morning.), and they and Chanticleer become good friends. In the later chapters, we find out that the guy who turned Chanticleer (I really. Really. Really. Hate typing this name.)is from the family who are rivals of the Armstrongs.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: He does alchemy by drawing a circle and stomping on it. And, since he's a rooster chimera (and roosters obviously have this power) he can bring the dawn by crowing. OH. He can make dancing girls out of trees and rocks. Because that is so important to the military.
...
No.
Don't even go there.
Imagine the chafing.. and the splinters...
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: He sings.. i think it's either American Western Folk music.. or Country western.
NOTES:
I was going to give this a ONE, since the acutual story is pretty decently written, but then by the time his past and abilities are revealed, my sympathy levels dropped.
What kind of name is Chanticleer??? (And he has a brother named Brody.) I swear, his parents were on an acid trip when they named their first child or something.
SAMPLE:
( The Dawn alchemist has the power to speed up the rotation of the earth just by exerting his vocal cords. )
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[05 Jun 2006|09:05pm] |
I can't believe I totally forgot about the existence of Mediaminer. So a thanks to smsues. ^__^
I think I need to make my ratings a little more lenient.
Today we a triple-dose of Sues, all state alchemists with Pokemon inspired powers. And one of the Sues (i'm guessing the Suethor personified, since the same story on Mediaminer was classified as a "self insert") has a bio!
TITLE: One Soul
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Draye
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles):
Kate Marcoh, the "Psychic Alchemist"
Kam Marcoh, the "Sparks Alchemist
Kath Marcoh, the "Elemental Alchemist"
Together known as the One Soul Alchemist Team.
SPECIES: All: Human/Alchemist
AGE: N/A, but they live with their mom. >__>
ATTIRE: Military Uniforms
HAIR (with adjectives):
Kam: "brown, wavy, ear length hair"
Kate: Same as Kam
Kath: blonde
EYES (with adjectives):
Kam: "sea green eyes"
Kate: Same as Kam
Kath: "blood red eyes"
It's so difficult to see which one is the self-insert, isn't it? [/sarcasm. for now.]
UNUSUAL MARKINGS:
Kath has an automail arm. How original.
POSSESSIONS:
Exaggerated personalities.
ANNOYING ORIGIN: They live with their parents, who are state alchemists. Their uncle was randomly mentioned as a state alchemist who left the military after the war and they also had another uncle who was an "auto mailist" for the state.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Ed and Al run into them while in the library and later have dinner at their house, all the while, Kath is being little miss emo mysteriosa.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES:
So far, Kath is the only person to demonstrate her abilities, and they involve accidentally blowing her automail arm up. But she can also create tangible hands out of steam, and transmute without a circle.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: According to the author, Kath will be eventually (key word: eventually) quoted as saying "Ed to bleed you need blood, I have no blood so therefore I am not bleeding." Hey, darling, a word of advice: melodramatic =/= wise.
NOTES:
What really, really, really, ticks me off about this story is the uneven treatment the different Sues get. It's obvious that the Suethor prefers Kath, most likely her self-insert in denial. First of all, they are triplets. Yes, I know it can't be identical triplets, since there's two girls and a boy, but I would understand it if the two girls looked the same, but nooooo.. the boy and one girl look the same and you have a random bastard sue stuck in there.
If this family was canon, Kath would be the canon!sue. She looks different, she acts different, and she's the speshul one with the automail and the ability to transmute without a circle.
Hey, did I mention, she can transmute without a circle but there's no mention of seeing the gate. >__>
Gah! The typos! The complete obvious lack of proof reading!!
SAMPLE:
( Would the amount of stink per skunk increase exponentially or linearly? )
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[03 Jun 2006|04:26pm] |
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La Vie Boheme - Rent |
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TITLE: Memories of Ishbal
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME: Sharingun Wolf (I assume "Sharingan Wolf" was taken?)
NUMBER OR SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles): Taki
SPECIES: Human/Alchemist
AGE: 10 (And she's a state alchemist. -__-)
ATTIRE: Military uniform.
HAIR (with adjectives): N/A
EYES (with adjectives): N/A
UNUSUAL MARKINGS: none
POSSESSIONS: N/A
ANNOYING ORIGIN: She was in the Ishbalan War. At 10.
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She killed Winry's mom. And she hates Gran.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES: She can outrun Armstrong.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: She mouths off to Gran.
NOTES:
There is nothing to comment about. The Sue isn't toxic, and the Suethor is the poster child for why 12 year olds shouldn't write fanfiction. It's just pure stupidity. Any more sporks against this Sue would be a waste of effort.
I would like to reiterate: the Sue is ten.
SAMPLE:
( So tell me, how do you use rocks to gain energy? )
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